Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
