i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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