How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize