I bet he comes in French.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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