I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
