I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize