Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
