she woke up with a sticky ear
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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