Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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