I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Alive.
So much puke
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize