Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
