things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
one might say we're banned from that church
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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