she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
