Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
