It's like God shit irony all over that family
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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