to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
