come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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