i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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