What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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