i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize