How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
bring money and cleavage
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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