The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
