the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
