I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
