Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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