O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
