I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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