I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
