Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
