Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize