Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
