I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
