I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
