You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
