this beer tastes like vomit already
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize