In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My vagina is very pro this idea
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
