so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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