and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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