You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
