My underwear smells like fireworks.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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