I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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