508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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