he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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