Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
