The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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