she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
