My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize