you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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