Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
