Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
