Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is wine microwaveable?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I got inside last night via doggy door
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
