So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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