Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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