in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
