she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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