I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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