know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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