my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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