i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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