i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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