I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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