just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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