it was like eating out sand paper
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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