I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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