sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Two words: blizzard sex
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
