all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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