your parents love me but you hate me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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