Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
did i just pee glitter
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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