Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
