i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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