She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
