so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
