I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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