if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Someone came in the potted fern
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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