if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
