Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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