I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you would pick up someone in the library
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize