haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need to calm my uterus...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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