Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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