It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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