sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
True strength comes from lack of pants
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
