Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
