i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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