Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
