thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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